Thursday, December 29, 2005

No desire to shop

Well as I start 25 wks of pregnancy, I am getting fat. I mean I am fat, have been fat since I was 14 and weighed more than I do now last year. But I am starting to feel “fat”. When I was heavier, I think I just accepted who I was and did not let it get to me (too much, OK I tried). I lost the 65 lbs and was feeling pretty good about myself. Now I am just starting to feel fat. I have lost 5 lbs with the pregnancy, but I can guarantee next Dr. appt – I will have gained that back and more. Even clothes hold no appeal – that’s big for me – HUGE! I have lost the desire to shop (insert sob here). I guess I am having a Julia Roberts “Pretty Woman” moment!

Gloom, despair and agony on me….and my credit cards.

I realize - I have no friends....

Now that motherhood is approaching, I find that I have no friends that are local. What do I mean – well during high school and college, I had a plethora of friends. In college, I could be out with friends any given night. When I moved to grad school, that shifted some – but I still was a pretty busy person. Now, when I moved out here and got married – that is when things started to change and I am not sure why.

I think in the beginning I was just trying to get used to being completely away from all my family and friends. Then I was getting used to being a wife. I spent most of my time with my husband and his parents. As I moved into a new job, many of the people were older and I did not have a lot in common. I did meet someone who I consider to be one of my best friends, but that is about it – 5 yrs at one company and only 1 real “friend.”

At the next job, I pretty much was alone in my department – so no friends there. At the next job, things picked up a bit and I stay in touch with 2 people from that job, since I was only there 4 months- I find that pretty good. At the current job, I don’t see any real possibility of making a “connection”

I know MIL wants to do a shower – but I am thinking – who the heck would I invite – I really have no friends in the area. How sad will it be to sit around with my MIL and like 2 other people – that is so pathetic. I am still trying to figure out what happened to me – when I become anti-social. Don’t get me wrong, I am always busy – I usually just hang out with DH or his family. Hey I like my MIL and FIL – sue me. I was very lucky in that department.

I am so glad that a DH’s friend may be moving back to that area and he brings his wife, Heather. Heather and I did not get too much time to bond while they were here, but we have been keeping in touch – so I am hopeful we can move our friendship to another level – one where we hang out W/O the husbands..hahaha!

What happened to me is all I want to know….

Monday, December 12, 2005


I had a big meeting scheduled today - after being over an hour late - I finally got a few minutes.

Well – the mtg went better than I expected.

Just to let you know, I will be taking some short term disability in April for about 6-8 wks. Why, you ask…yeah – you guessed it…going to squeeze out a baby boy!

Well – he seemed to take it well and suggested if we could move up the delivery to the next few weeks – and then rest up for a month, it would be better for the projects in 2006. He said, you can plan a C section right? HAHA! He does this to me all the time – last week he said I was being moved to our Richmond office when I asked about our office move. He said “Thanks for the heads up and congratulations”

So I was stressed – now I still have to tell one of the guys I work with – who is not technically my manager – he might not take it as well – he is single, over 40 with no kids. Technically – he is not my boss though!

I am still worried about my job – but at least it’s out there now.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Past self was a packrat!

Well – we are still waiting to hear about our contract…Customer is coming over tomorrow to “talk” – not sure what that means. But we have submitted 4 or 5 proposals in the last few months. I am still trying to drum up some business in other areas – even though I don’t think I will be very successful.

Anyhow – we are doing the massive CLEAN the HOUSE before MOM arrives. We have been working on this for week’s – yes our house needs that much work. Why you ask – well for about the last 2 yrs we sort of stopped caring. Now don’t get me wrong – we are not a candidate for Clean Sweep (junky) or Clean House (downright filthy) – we just have tons and tons of clutter. Also, our past selves have worked against us by “storing” things away in boxes, bins – whatever. We are taking the time to actually clean all of these little crap piles that are hiding around the house and in our garage. It’s still a work in progress and we have a deadline, so we have to get it done…but I don’t think the house will be this clutter free/clean since we moved in!

Poor Marc is “labor” – I sort – he carries. I have the easy job, he goes to bed aching. I go to bed exhausted, but in a different way. But it will all be worth it – new flooring for Xmas, some new furniture …it’s all good. Even though I am feeling very overwhelmed!